Unhelpful Thinking Styles
Information Handout
Recognise unhelpful thinking styles that impact your mindset. Learn to challenge them and develop healthier, more balanced thought patterns....
Communication Styles — Passive, Assertive, And Aggressive
Good communication is essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships, whether that's with friends, family, or colleagues! However, it isn't always easy to be aware of our own communication styles and how these might be impacting on our interactions, not just with others, but with ourselves.
This resource has been written to help you learn more about passive, assertive, and aggressive communication styles, and why understanding them matters. The resource also introduces some ideas from Transactional Analysis, like “I’m Not Okay, You’re Okay”, “I’m Okay, You’re Okay”, and “I’m Okay, You’re Not Okay” life positions to help you understand how these styles shape your relationships.
It's important to be aware that factors like neurodiversity and trauma can also influence how we express ourselves and how we interpret others' body language, so be mindful of these variations.
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Descriptions & Examples
Passive
Avoids expressing own needs/opinions; gives in easily to avoid conflict; downplays own needs while putting others first.
‘Whatever you want’, ‘I don’t mind’, ‘you decide’, ‘don’t worry about me’, ‘it’s fine, honestly’
Assertive
Expresses self clearly and respectfully; balances own needs with those of others; firm but polite and clear communication.
‘That’s a good idea, but what about if we did this’, ‘Let’s find a compromise’, ‘No, I’m not able to do that’
Aggressive
Forceful and dominating; disregards others feelings or opinions; talks over others; patronising and lack of respect.
‘If you don’t like it – tough’, ‘you don’t know what you’re talking about’, ‘I don’t care what you think’
Beliefs & Positions
Passive
You're OK, I'm not OK
Feels or acts inferior, believing that others are better or more capable
Assertive
I’m OK, You’re OK
Believes and acts like everyone is equal and deserving of respect.
Aggressive
I’m OK, You’re Not OK
Believes acts like their wants/needs are more valuable than others.
Body Language
Passive
Avoids eye contact; slouched or withdrawn; closed body language; speaks softly. May fidget or appear anxious displaying a lack of confidence.
Assertive
Maintains eye contact; uses open and relaxed body language; good posture/sits upright; speaks clearly. Shows confidence and appears comfortable.
Aggressive
Intense eye contact; takes up excessive space; may point or gesture aggressively; rigid posture with folded arms. Appears dominant and confrontational.
Potential Outcomes
Passive
Gives in to others; needs not met; frustration and resentment; self-critical thoughts; low self-esteem.
Assertive
Healthy relationships; mutual respect; effective conflict resolution; improved self-esteem; able to compromise.
Aggressive
Causes conflicts; damaged relationships; involved in arguments; isolation and loneliness; feelings of guilt/shame.
Understanding your communication style is not just about recognising patterns; it’s about empowering yourself to make thoughtful choices in how you express your thoughts and feelings. By identifying whether your current approach is helping or hindering your relationships, you can take meaningful steps to create stronger, healthier connections.
Whether you’re looking to boost your confidence, resolve conflicts more effectively, or simply build better relationships, this tool provides a starting point for meaningful growth. Change starts with awareness, and from there, the possibilities are endless.
